The Way It Works
by Artemis Day
Summary: Studies have shown that when a child reaches a certain age, they can ask several hundred questions a day. Statistically speaking then, some of them have to be incredibly awkward. Just ask Ichigo. IchiRuki. Contestfic.


**A/N: This is my entry for the deviantART Ichiruki Club's Children Contest.**

**It actually didn't end the way I'd originally planned. The story just got away from my, I guess. I randomly thought up a different ending in the middle of writing and, after deliberating with myself, decided I liked it better. Here's hoping my readers do too! :D**

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><p>"Daddy, are the TV people really that small?"<p>

Ichigo looked up from his coffee, the steam swirling into the air in a circular pattern. It was the type of thing that could only entertain someone in the early morning, when they're not yet fully awake and their five year olds haven't begun the daily barrage of questions. Ichigo, not yet thirty, but already a parent, didn't always know what to say when his daughter's bright purple eyes widened with boundless curiosity about the world around her. This was why he usually left the Q and A to his much more willing wife. Rukia, though often just as, if not more, bewildered by the small girl's questions, always had a satisfying explanation for her, whether she actually knew the answer or not.

For example, Miki had asked, on a family trip to the beach last year, where all the water in the ocean came from. According to Rukia, it was rainwater, filling up the ocean a little more every time it fell. A pretty standard response for a child who isn't old enough to understand science, but then Miki wanted to know about the rain that fell on land. Where did that all go the next day?

"Well, Miki… the sky took it back! Since it missed the ocean this time, they need to clean it all up so they can try again next time. It turns into air and the sky takes it back."

From there, Miki had been appeased. At least until the drive home when she spotted a man walking his dog and wanted to know why the dog was sniffing that tree so much.

On this day, in the middle of February, with the small kitchen TV turned to a random kiddy show, Miki was feeling inquisitive again. Ichigo found himself alone to take the brunt of it.

"The TV people…" he repeated, eyeing the screen and the nameless pirate show that was on. "Well, no. They're a lot bigger in real life. They just look smaller so they can fit in the TV."

Miki stared at him, mouth open in a tiny 'o' and a small noise of wonder escaping her throat. She turned around, steadying two fingers before her eye and trying to measure the 'TV people.' After a few seconds of this, she faced her father again.

"Are they bigger than me?"

Ichigo drank some more coffee and nodded.

"Yeah, they're probably bigger than you, squirt."

"Are they bigger than you?" she asked. "Cause you're really tall, Daddy."

"Thank you, but I'm sure some of them are bigger than me."

"What about Uncle Chad? Are they bigger than Uncle Chad?"

Ichigo opened his mouth, ready to give a similar response and hopefully get her to tire of this subject before she started listing every tall people she knew. The kitchen door swinging open stopped him, and announced the long awaited presence of Ichigo's beloved wife and Miki's dedicated mother. Rukia Kurosaki, unchanged by the passing years aside from slightly longer hair, walked slowly across the room with one hand on her back to support her massive stomach. The heavily pregnant woman eased herself into her usual seat, waving off Ichigo when he rose to help her.

"I can sit down myself," she muttered. "God, you weren't this paranoid when I was pregnant with Miki."

"I'm not paranoid," Ichigo hissed back so Miki wouldn't hear. "Forgive me for being concerned about your health."

"Mommy!" Miki launched out of her chair, long orange hair billowing in messy curls. She stopped short of hugging Rukia, having learned from several other close calls why that wasn't the best idea when her new baby brother was still in Mommy's tummy. "Good morning, Mommy!"

Rukia smiled and patted Miki on the head, pulling her into a gentle embrace, all the while weary of her stomach. When Miki was released, her next action was to glance at the baby bump itself, and rest a small hand on it, rubbing up and down.

"Good morning, baby brother!" she said, as she'd been want to do every morning as of late. Rukia's grin threatened to split her face in half, and even Ichigo felt his heart warm at the scene. "I can't wait to meet you for real! You're gonna have lots of fun with me and mommy and daddy, but stay away from my dolls, okay? They're all mine!"

"Miki," Rukia said through a chuckle. "That's not very nice. Don't you remember what you learned in school about sharing?"

Miki pouted and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. Nevertheless, she recited in a flat voice:

"Sharing is caring… but not with my dolls!"

Rukia sighed and rolled her eyes, and Miki took the opportunity to run from her side and go back to her spot by the TV. Her show had ended by now, but Ichigo was sure a new one would be starting soon that Miki would find thoroughly engrossing. Giving up for now, Rukia grabbed the cup of coffee Ichigo set out for her and took small sips while eating her breakfast.

Ichigo tried to avoid watching this by turning his attention to the TV. Thanks to the bizarre cravings that plagued most pregnant women, the so-called meal Rukia was currently ingesting consisted of ingredients that would've had Inoue turning up her nose in disgust. To this day, Ichigo had no clue how he'd gotten through both this and Rukia's first pregnancy without losing his lunch several times per month.

What he wouldn't give for another crazy question right about now.

"Daddy?"

Or maybe not.

"Yes, Miki?"

Miki blinked her large eyes several times, head tilted ever so slightly towards Rukia's side of the table. Miki pointed at her, or more specifically, at her stomach.

"How did baby brother get in Mommy's tummy?"

The hand holding Ichigo's coffee mug began to slip, but he caught it fast all while keeping from alerting his daughter to the sheer awkwardness of that question. Of course, he'd known for some time now that it would come up eventually, Miki being as curious as she was. He knew now that he was completely unprepared for it regardless.

Miki was only five years old! She wasn't ready to know about… _that_ yet!

If Ichigo had his way, she wouldn't be learning about it at all ever. Just the thought of his precious baby girl all grown up, going on dates, falling in love, getting married… and what if she didn't even wait for marriage? Ichigo knew very well that not all couples did, and had to resist a knowing glance at Rukia as he thought this.

Speaking of Rukia, the petite woman was scowling at him as Miki continued to wait expectantly for an answer. It was then Ichigo realized he'd been staring dumbly at his daughter for the past minute or so with his mouth hanging open. Quickly composing himself, Ichigo racked his brain for a suitable answer, all while Rukia was drawing Miki's attention away from him and towards her.

"Miki-chan," she said affectionately. "Do you remember when we talked about how baby brother needs to stay in Mommy's tummy for a while? Because he's not ready to go outside yet?"

Miki nodded. "So does that mean you ate him?"

Rukia started, a funny sort of smile creeping up on her. It was a contagious reaction, as Ichigo suddenly felt like laughing at the utter absurdity of the idea.

"No," Rukia said, running her fingers thought the girl's hair and removing a few tangles in the process. "I didn't eat him. He got in my tummy a different way."

"Oh," Miki said, looking down at her feet and kicking one out. "Cause I don't think babies would taste very good… expect baby carrots! I like those."

"Yes, and I'm very glad you do," Rukia nodded. "But that's not how babies get in their Mommy's tummies. You see, Miki, Daddy and I decided one night that we wanted to have another baby. We thought it would be nice to have a bigger family and give you someone to play with."

Ichigo's lips fell into a frown, and his insides turned over and around with every word Rukia said. His eyes burned holes in her forehead, but she didn't acknowledge him. He could just hear her voice in his head right now.

'_Knock it off, I know what I'm doing.'_

'_Yeah, you're explaining sex to our five year old,' _he snapped at the Rukia in his head.

As this was a fruitless battle, Ichigo shook his head to clear his thoughts, just in time to hear the continuation of Rukia's speech.

"So, after Mommy and Daddy agreed to have another child, we made baby brother, and we left him in my tummy so he could grow until he's ready to come out."

"But how did you make him?" Miki asked insistently.

It was at this point that Ichigo went over the boiling point. His overprotective fatherly instincts kicked into overdrive, and he now understood why his own moron of a Dad had been such a crazy, bumbling fool around Karin and Yuzu when they were growing up. Anything to protect their innocence from the real world and all that came with it for as long as he possibly could.

Ichigo sprang up and took one big step to stand behind his wife's chair and wrap his arms around her, just above her stomach. Rukia let out a tiny gasp of surprise and looked up at him as best she could, but Ichigo paid her no mind. Their was only one purple eyed female that was important right now, and it wasn't Rukia.

"We made him that night while we slept, Miki-chan!" he said with forced calm even as his voice wavered. "We fell asleep together, and the next morning, your baby brother was here! _Just like that_."

"Really?"

"Yes," Ichigo answering without missing a beat, lest Rukia get a word in first and mess things up.

Miki furrowed her brow, her young mind turning this new information over, trying to make sense of it. Ichigo watched her carefully for any hint that she might not believe him, and might push for more answers. Knowing her, there was a pretty good chance that she'd accept his word and leave it at that, but that wasn't always the case. Plenty of times, she'd continued to prod until her face was blue. Ichigo had no way of knowing if this would be one of those times, and so he waited with baited breath, all the while lamenting his daughter's questioning nature that had gotten them into this mess.

"So if grown-ups go to bed with boys, that'll make a baby?"

Ichigo blinked. In front of him, Rukia fidgeted in his grasp to gain some extra comfort, but didn't try to shake him off.

"Well, only sometimes," she answered, sparing Ichigo more suffering. "Only if they really want it to."

At this, Miki scowled. "Well, I'd never let a boy sleep in my bed. Boys are icky!"

"They are very icky," Ichigo said in agreement, relief washing over him like water. "Very, very icky. That's why you should never ever _ever_ sleep in the same bed as a boy."

"They'd get their cooties all over my good sheets!" Miki said in horror. "No way, no how!"

She whipped her head around from one side to the other and crossed her arms again. For once, Ichigo couldn't be happier to see that stubborn side of her. His one hope was that it would stick with her for the rest of her life, at least where the opposite sex was concerned. Rukia would tell him later that he was being stupid, and of course one day she'd be interested in dating and that their may very well be boys involved. Ichigo would nod his head in time, but her words wouldn't phase him. He was content with believing that his beautiful, sweet, innocent little Miki would remain untainted for all time.

With this in mind, Ichigo happily went back to his seat and his cooling cup of coffee. Rukia gave him a look of annoyance, one he promptly ignored as Miki scampered back to her own seat just in time for a commercial break. After pouting at the TV, she turned towards the table, spinning her chair more than necessary and giggling like it was a ride. Ichigo smiled at her, bringing the mug to his lips for another sip.

"Girls are way better than boys!" Miki declared, pushing her chair back as far as it would go. "When I grow up, I'll sleep with girls instead of boys!"

The mug fell from Ichigo's hand and onto the floor, shattering into tiny pieces.

"Ichigo!" Rukia cried, pulling her chair closer to him while Miki burst into a fit of giggles.

"Daddy spilled his coffee!" she cheered.

"Yes, he did," Rukia nodded, not taking her eyes off of her husband. "And now he's going to clean it up, right Ichigo?"

As he was still reeling off Miki's naïve statement, Ichigo could do little else besides slide to the floor on his knees, careful not to accidentally sit on any bits of ceramic, and begin gathering them up to be thrown away. He felt a stem of misery as he worked. He'd really liked that mug.

Above him, Rukia's voice sounded.

"You know, Miki, if you go to bed with girls, you can't make a baby that way."

"Oh…" Miki answered, followed by a slight pause. "Oh well! Boys are too icky. I'm going to sleep with girls cause girls rule!"

"Girls rule!" Rukia repeated.

Miki laughed again, likely from Rukia tickling her or something. All Ichigo could see from his vantage point were her feet planted firmly on the ground. Miki ran off, back to her room to play with her dolls, and probably forget this whole conversation entirely when something else caught her fancy. She'd have another series of questions about something completely different by nightfall, just like every other day since she learned how to talk.

"Did you get all of them?" Rukia asked. "I don't want Miki stepping on anything sharp."

Ichigo groaned and got to his feet, a pile of broken and wet shards resting in his open palms. Slowly, he moved towards the garbage pail in the corner and dropped in all inside, wiping his hands off on his jeans.

"I'll get the vacuum cleaner," he said and started for the doors Miki had just run out of.

"You know," Rukia's voice stopped him. "That could happen someday."

Ichigo pursed his lips, not bothering to ask her to elaborate. He knew exactly what she meant.

"Yeah," he answered with a shrug. "To be honest, I don't want to imagine her… doing _that_ with anyone."

Rukia sighed and shook her head at him.

"It _is_ going to happen," she said. "Be it boys or girls, she's going to grow up sooner than you think."

"That's why I try not to think about it."

She scoffed. "Geez, you really are just like your dad."

"Am not!" Ichigo shouted indignantly.

This served no purpose other than to make Rukia's infuriating smugness grow.

"I just hope you don't start randomly attacking our son when he's old enough to take it. While training him is for the best, your dad's methods are a little unorthodox."

"Would you knock it off already, ya damn midget?" Ichigo shot back. "And by the way, whenever our son asks about how babies are made, _I'm_ going to talk to him."

"Whatever floats your boat, Ichigo," she answered, not nearly as effected by his statement as he'd hoped.

He glared at her, though there was no bite behind it. Irritating as Rukia could be, especially when pregnant, he loved her too much to ever be truly angry with her. Even when she did things like this, no doubt just to get under his skin as she was so good at doing.

"By the way," Ichigo said, making her look up from her food again. "What were you going to tell her before I interrupted?"

Rukia stared back at him with no expression for several seconds, long enough that Ichigo began to lose his nerve a bit. Then the tiniest of smiles formed on her face.

"Honestly? Pretty much what _you_ told her."

And suddenly, Ichigo found he had to return her smile. He should have known they'd be on the same page. He gave Rukia a quick peck on the lips before leaving the kitchen and heading towards their bedroom where he could finish getting ready for work and look for that vacuum cleaner. Along the way, he passed Miki's room. Her door was wide open, revealing the splashes of vibrant color inside, but strangely enough, no Miki.

Ichigo slowed to scan the area for her, but he couldn't see a hair on her head until she was barreling at him like a bullet, almost knocking him into the opposite wall.

"Daddy! Daddy!" she squealed, pointing furiously at something inside the room. "I saw a big red bird on my window! It was staring at me a real long time! Why wasn't it in a tree, Daddy? Don't birds need to live in trees?"

He could hear Rukia's laughter from all the way down the hall.


End file.
